That’s why I’ll never have any closure.”. I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up. I have been thinking about finishing at Leeds, I’ve also been thinking of other things which I won’t say. While she was helping Gary’s journalist friend John Richardson write new book Gary Speed Unspoken: The Family’s Untold Story – serialised exclusively in the Mirror – she stumbled on a letter he sent to her mother’s home when he was a 17-year-old at Leeds United. "I wish there was an operation which could take your memory out and obliterate it from my mind,” says Louise. When news came through of Gary’s death the shock and sadness were shared to an unusual degree by the wider world. Gary had been ill for a very long time. The boys, 14-year-old Ed and 13-year-old Tom had been playing football and Gary, then the 42-year-old manager of Wales, had gone to record BBC’s Football Focus. Court Gary Speed Boy, 14, died after being hit over head with hockey stick at school training Pilot 'lied about qualifications to land job with British Airways' Louise now realises all was not ideal in his head. Our. The irony is that Gary didn’t have a lot of time for people who got depressed when they had so much going for them.”. “Very dark thoughts which he wasn’t able to talk about. On 26 November 2011, Speed appeared as a guest on the BBC One television programme Football Focus, with presenter Dan Walker later describing Speed as being in "fine form". I’m sure he’d say, ‘I must have been ill’. Gary, her childhood sweetheart, beloved husband, father of her two sons and a footballing icon, had hanged himself with a cable, and on the instructions of the emergency services she walked in and cut him down. Gary - who killed himself in November 2011 at the age of 42 - wrote to Louise when he was just 17 telling her he was "so depressed". “If he had a mental illness then he probably had it from an early age. Because here was a genuine, modest man who seemed to have it all. 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When paramedics arrived at their Cheshire home Louise was shaking, staring at her husband’s body, screaming at them “in hope and desperation” to resuscitate him, even though she knew that the love of her life was gone. “If someone had told me during that day what was going to happen that night I’d have been so shocked I’d have said Gary needed to be in some secure unit. EXCLUSIVE: While Louise Speed was helping write new book Gary Speed Unspoken: The Family’s Untold Story she stumbled on a letter that confirmed deepest suspicions, Get the FREE Mirror Football newsletter by email with the day's key headlines and transfer news. Louise, now 48, says: “Seeing that was a lightbulb moment for me. He ended his playing career at Sheffield United, and started his managerial career there in 2010. But the weight of those words written by his teenage hand, and what they portended, were a revelation. I don’t really know what to say. Louise Speed has spoken publicly for the first time about her husband's death, When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. “Maybe Gary’s problems were a time-bomb waiting to explode.”.
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